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whitewashed
I live in a cold grey sea. This is my ocean diary.

we had a bonfire with daniel. it was fun. and beautiful and warm. the stars were out. we drank margaritas. they were made of peaches and strawberries and mangoes. they still tasted of tequila though. i hate alcohol. we smoked weed a lot. we’ve smoked more than an eighth in the past couple of days. 2? 3? time passes strangely here. i don’t even remember what i did today. picked blackberries by the creek. weeded. looked for four leaf clovers. ate chinese food and regretted it. left my leftovers at the laundromat on top of a washing machine. people-watched outside the laundromat. sketchy looking people. samantha and i walked to tj maxx. the sun was setting. the street was golden almost dusk. the mountains and the sky were really pretty. chris is coming to get me in a week. i am excited to be with him and to explore. but i like it here too. everything is nice. i feel like i am learning a lot. i learn so much from the people i meet. i love exploring. i love drifting like this. i don’t like school, but i like having a limitation on my wandering. for now at least. i don’t want to get too disconnected or carried away. i hate madison so much. it’s just not the place i want to be. but i’ll stick through another semester, and then i’ll go to tanzania for the spring. and i’ll explore all the time. i’m excited. i just hate needing people. no that’s not true. i like to need and be needed, but i hate having a relationship give me doubts about doing all the things i want to do. like do i want to be separated from this person for 4 months while i go and travel. well i don’t know. i feel like i don’t actually need anyone. i just let them need me, actually. i don’t know. i’m too independent to need anyone for long. maybe that will change. who knows. anyway now i am drinking peppermint tea. i am stoned and content. this is the best sativa i’ve ever smoked.¬†

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